still not content

I sit here and write this as I watch my two daughters spin around their room in their play dresses.  I am constantly amazed by their naivety – especially during this most recent season, when the weight of the world has weighed heavier on me than it ever has before.  They have a room full of toys and we have never gone without a meal, so I guess now is a good time for me to repent for feeling sorry for myself.

Yesterday I walked through a store and saw at least fifteen outfits that I wish I could afford; to be honest, I just wished I could afford even one of them.  In these moments, I go back to when life was comfortable.  Ben and I have never had a lot of money.  We have never been able to just spend our paychecks on whatever we wanted in that moment – but we have always been able to buy those random desires… a shirt every once in a while or a cheap pair of jeans.  We don’t get to do that these days.  In fact, I can’t remember the last time I spent money on a cute shirt, just because I wanted it.

But as I watch my girls enjoy life, I am reminded that I really have everything I need, and so much more!  My children are full of joy and get to be kids.  They aren’t worried about what they are going to eat because God has always placed food in front of them – in front of us.  Sometimes I worry about how we are going to pay our bills, but we have always been able to pay them (even if it is only “barely”).

I am overwhelmed with gratitude for what God has provided and I know that all those things that I covet in the store are just stumbling blocks.  The enemy puts them in front of me to accuse God of not being a good and faithful God – I am sorry for believing that for even a second; because when I watch my girls play with carefree abandon, I know that God is a good God.  It may be years before I am able to afford to buy a new shirt just for the fun of it, but I will always be able to feed my family.

If only we lived our lives dwelling on the true treasures in life our lives would be so much richer.  When I cast my careless worries at the foot of the cross I get to live for the richer things in life – faith, family, and an eternal relationship with an amazing God!!!!

Breathe Him in… He is life… and He is good!


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