The words spoken by God to Job keep reverberating in the deepest part of my soul…

where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?   who shut in the sea with doors, when it burst forth and issued from the womb; when I made the clouds its garment, and thick darkness its swaddling band?      have you commanded the morning since your days began?        Have you entered the treasury of snow, or have you seen the treasury of hail?    can you lift up your voice to the clouds that an abundance of water may cover you?  Can you send out lightnings, that they may go, and say to you, ‘Here we are?’       who can pour out the bottles of heaven?      can you satisfy the appetite of the young lions?    who provides food for the raven, when its young ones cry to God and wander about for lack of food?   have you given the horse strength?   does the hawk fly by your wisdom?      does the eagle mount up at your command?   Shall the one who contends with the Almighty correct Him?  He who rebukes God, let him answer it.

I’m silenced.  Somewhere along the way I lost sight of who God is and my own understandings of who I am.  Can I contend with the God who knit me together in a secret place?  How do I question He who knows the depths of my soul, better than I?  My own disillusionment is crushed by the weight of nothing less or more than the fact that God is God, and I am not.  And while the temptation lurks to question God as to why He’d bring me here to “die” – the only appropriate response to Him is utter silence brought upon by the humility that is caused when something small beholds that which is truly great.



2 thoughts on “disillusionment

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