October is here. The leaves are falling off the trees, leaving their yellow trace all over my front yard. I love this season. Life gets one last breath before winter takes it by force and in finality. I’m so glad that death happens slowly and not with one good storm. We get to watch the process unfold before our eyes – both in nature and in our existence.
Boulder has been our home for four months now and as I look back, I am in awe of what has transpired in my own heart. So many things in my soul have been killed. At the time, I desperately wished that God would just take those things quickly and leave me as (un)maimed as possible. But like the seasons – and like life – our Spiritual being is formed with time. We are slowly brought to death, only to be brought back to life. Though it went unappreciated at the time, I am now so thankful that, like the seasons, death does not come in a fierce blow, but through several storms.
Each storm has called to question my service to God. And as so much has died within me, so much has been brought to life as well.
Four months and…
- I no longer stress about paying our rent – I know God will provide
- I walked away from a potential full-time job – Raising my girls means more than a paycheck
- I have stopped questioning if we are called here – We are here, therefore we are called
- I have allowed myself to dream about the Church – I am burdened for this city
- Discomfort pays frequent visit to followers of Christ – We are not called to comfort
- Discipleship is costly – He is worth the cost
- I have abandoned many worldly things – I can now embrace more fully Eternal things
For those of you who have been reading my blog… thank you for allowing myself to process this journey. I am sure I will have more posts where I wrestle with doubt, insecurity, pain, and heartache. But I want to make sure that in the midst of giving you an authentic portrayal of my life, I don’t neglect to share with you how good God has been in the midst of this journey!
It may have taken me 4 months too long to realize it, but I am being carried through this life by an amazing Father and an incredibly resilient Friend – the Hope I have is the Hope that brought me to this city in the first place – may God help me live that out daily.