When we told people we were moving to Boulder, everyone thought we were crazy – crazy to leave full-time jobs, comfort, family and friends. We’ve floated in faith since we got here. It’s been one challenge after another; each challenge reminding us that God is faithful and steadfast, even when we are faithless and shattered.
Perhaps we thought that it was enough to leave our comforts to plant a church in a very uncomfortable city, but today it doesn’t feel like it’s enough anymore. I am wrestling with the idea of comfort, faith and sacrifice. Have we really given everything? A few months ago it seemed like the answer to that question was a resounding YES! Today, it doesn’t. To be honest, I don’t think we’ve really given up much. We are far from comfortable and every month we have no idea how we are going to eat or pay our bills, but is that the essence of the Gospel?
We are learning to cling to God in the midst of darkness, but that’s (our) lesson –(our) journey. That isn’t the Gospel. We didn’t come here for (our)selves, we came here for the lost and broken. It’s felt difficult focusing on others in the midst of our own battles and struggles, but ultimately we came here to lay our lives down, not to cling onto them. I’ve been wrestling with God on this. What does it look like to surrender more? What does it mean for “us” to give everything for the Gospel? Who are we not reaching? Where are we not going?
I admit – I have let my fears keep me “inside” my house. I have allowed myself to be shackled to the only comfort I know… my tidy home in my safe neighborhood. When we felt called here, we started praying for the darkest hearts and the most broken lives. I am convinced that we are called to have a church of societal misfits. I do not believe that we are primarily called to reach the “healthy”. Our heart has always belonged to those who are “unfixable” by society’s standards.
Knowing this I must wrestle with my own life. Have I laid down my life for these treasured souls? Have I given up everything to reach them?
… with all my heart … may a future blog tell the story of a life surrendered and a lost people found.